Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
