I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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