Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
