When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
