that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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