Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
