k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
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A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
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this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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