they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
