so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Houston, we have a blender
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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