Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
