smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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