you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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