kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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