my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
