I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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