how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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