remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
