i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
