Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
