Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
