So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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