There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
