You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
