I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
