I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
