He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
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Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
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Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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