Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
