Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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