I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
