4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
