I don't remember. Are we still dating?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
