I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
