i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
