once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think your dad took our porno
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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