I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
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