i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
