So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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