Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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