Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Girls should come with a carfax report
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
