No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
