Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
