Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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