In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
