It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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