Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
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I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
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Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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