Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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