I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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