So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
