pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
