I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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