mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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