Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I can text with my tongue
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
