Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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