I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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