I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
