WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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