You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
