You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
