Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
