no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
pray to the hookup gods
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
