i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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