so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
