He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
