this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
