is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
