Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
