Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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