So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
