How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The beer is more important than you right now.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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