I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
