I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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