I showed him my bush... on skype.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I fill condoms, not promises.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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