If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
