...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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