Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
