It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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