got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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