If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
