Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
