All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
