Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
