They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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