I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
